Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
