kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize