wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had to cum in my sink.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
