Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
