$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
