Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
