went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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