if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
