I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
