just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
