I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
