I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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