it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
