this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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