That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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