we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
