There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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