Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
