It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
