well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
