Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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