her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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