so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize