I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
