You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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