Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize