if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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