Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
