Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
