saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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