just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
