Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
