is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
