Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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