$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
