hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
