Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
