Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
