my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
