but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I touched a dick in church today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
