So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
