I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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