she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
