Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
