I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
