Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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