Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
