I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
