Non-Jews are for practice
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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