The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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