I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
