are you still at the devil's house?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
