that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
