On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize