Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
