Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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