you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
