Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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