Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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