i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
