I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my shit smells like andre
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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