That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
