Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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