JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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