every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
