Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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