My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
