I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
