I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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