Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
