dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize