The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This baby is an asshole
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
