think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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