I think I am morally bankrupt
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
