It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
