is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
