well I can't set my house on fire every night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
