i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
