They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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