Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
